i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
