Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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