If you die in college, do you die in real life?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
