I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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