i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
