So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
