I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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