I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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