Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
