she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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