he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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