the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
