Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
