When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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