I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
