i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
