How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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