My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
