I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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