Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My Sexting was not on an AP level
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
