she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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