Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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