I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
