I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
