We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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