i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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