why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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