im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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