Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
