i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My ATM looks so different sober.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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