I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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