Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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