Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
