piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
this hospital has no fireball
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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