The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
PANTIES FOUND
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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