just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
