So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
