I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
