Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
