I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
