I hope mine doesn't look like that
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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