covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
