jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
