I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
