i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
