There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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