lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
