my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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