Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
