so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
