thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
