I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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